S2 E21: the end and beginning
Welp, it happened. Whole ass officially happened. Last Friday I took my uniform off for the the last time, snagged some stickers and a flag on the way out, and medically retired from the United States Army. Yeah, the target since fall semester of 2009 and the job that has defined my identity has all come to an end. Lemme pull this side thread for a minute because tackling how I’m feeling in its entirety is seemingly impossible right now. So Friday i pierced my nose, rather I went to my tattoo shop and paid a professional to stab me in the nostril and fill the hole with a cute little shiny stud. Coming from a blood line with already big noses, the swelling I’ve had since Friday makes me feel like inoki from Shippuden which is just excessive. Can’t wait for the next six months to fly by so i can swap out the stud for a ring but in the meantime its all saline solution and not laying on my face.
It’s hard to put into words how im feeling. On the one hand this event has been on the horizon since June of last year and, having come to fruition, provides a sense of relief because at a few points the process was seemingly endless. Zooming all the way out, my retirement is a bitter sweet event. It’s the best possible outcome given the cards that were dealt to me in the last years of my career. I’ve taken a. Lot. Of. Shit on the chin in the last couple of years and be it my fault or the responsibility of the army, it was determined that i would not progress in the service higher than i had reached and thus the options were all ultimately separation. It’s such a kick to the jewels. I’ve spent 16 years thinking I would progress to O5 and Battalion Command before retiring after 20 years and swallowing the fact that I wouldn’t make it was tough. Now it’s on me to take the reins and craft my own fate different from “the grand plan.”
So what now? Well we gotta find a job that’s something that neeeeeeeeeds to happen. Like yesterday. After that i think the plan is continue a lot of the same. Ya know just lifting, rolling, eating right, do the things i ought to do and when in doubt just do the next right thing over and over again. It’s the same old sentiment: i made it this far and can’t stop or turn back now. Last week i lifted a bit, rolled a bit, played disc golf, took care of a new piercing, honestly not dissimilar from my normal day to day operations. I’ve gotta just keep telling myself that this is the best option given the variables that couldn’t be changed one way or the other. My disdain for the last of my service is more directed at certain leaders and less at the organization as a whole but i can’t let that define who I am. I’m no longer a Soldier or Officer…I’m just Justin again. That’s crazy. Welp stay tuned for my existential crises, this year is about to get weird.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA
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