Week 4: down is optional, up is mandatory

 Phew, who could’ve seen that week coming…actually literally anyone who was paying attention. See it is really easy to spot obvious stressors: some debt piling up, losing a loved one, sustaining an injury, getting yelled at at work, and so on. What nobody tells you to look out for are the stressors you put upon yourself. Who would think that you are your own worst enemy? The band LIT, that’s who.

Did some extensive therapy this week to figure out why in the hell im always so exhausted when im really not doing much outside of work. I mean I do my job, go home, knock out some quick chores, then watch Netflix or play video games. Not hard, in fact it’s pretty damn easy if you ask me. So why am i always so tired? The answers may in fact shock you.

Cognitive distortions: Cognitive distortions are internal mental filters or biases that increase our misery, fuel our anxiety, and make us feel bad about ourselves. I wont go into detail of the 12 we talked about but here’s a good article from Harvard Health: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-recognize-and-tame-your-cognitive-distortions-202205042738#:~:text=Cognitive%20distortions%20are%20internal%20mental,cut%20down%20our%20mental%20burden.

As it turns out, it takes a lot of energy to constantly interpret your everyday life in a negative fashion to look down upon yourself. And as it turns out, i apparently have been using all 11 listed in the article for just about my entire life. That’s fun, makes sense why I’m so damn tired and reliant on easy yet unhealthy coping mechanisms to get through the week. But, the first step in battle is knowing your opponent and after these past few days I’ve gotten to know him very very very well.

Everyone fails, it’s part of what makes us human. I’ve bent and bent and bent and bent for so long personalizing every negative situation I’ve found myself in and “selflessly” assuming every ounce of blame for years. Well this week I broke. I’ll spare the details but i fell down. I had the option to stay down permanently, but a really good friend made the decision for me to “not go quietly into the night! We (I) will not vanish without a fight! We’re (i am) gonna live on, we’re (i am) gonna survive. Today, we (i) celebrate our (my) Independence Day (from negative self-thought and acceptance of undeserved abuse)!”

Cue the horns

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