Week 7: Kismet and Courage

 We had a cat named Kismet growing up, one of the Siamese cats that looked exactly like the creepy ones from the Aristocats. Beautiful disaster of a cat really. See Kismet had this habit of taking a piss on every surface in the house…I think it was one of those “you can take the cat out of the streets” situations. Kismet, by the way, means fate or destiny. Well Kismet’s kismet was to be invited out the front door and not invited back in (I wont dox the responsible party…just as long as yall know it wasn’t me).

The amount of random signs, messages, or applicable vignettes I’ve encountered this week is astounding. Really getting back into the gym and kitchen to fix your neglected body composition? Well turns out your local neighborhood supplement store is running a weight loss challenge. Bothered by an overabundance of guilt or regret? Turns out your therapist wants to deep dive into your cognitive distortions. Maybe it’s as simple as going to church for the first time in ages and sitting behind a woman whose hoodie reads “dear person behind me, the world is a better place with you in it.” I fell off of speaking terms with a higher power years and years ago but if i ignore one more sign i think (s)he may just resort to texting me.

I also saw a new evolution this week that truly gives me hope for the future, and that’s the evolution of a spine in your boy. You see i generally don’t stand up for myself, my mind perceives it as being a selfish asshole (cognitive distortion) and so i bitch to friends or keep it to myself. Changed that this week and as scary as that first step was, the more I spoke the more confident I felt. My own reaction to myself shifted over about 24 hours from “they’re right, I’m being stupid and a prick” to “naw wait a second…I really do feel like I have a point here” to eventually landing on “you can’t tell me how I feel anymore, that shit is in my brain.” Courage to change the things we can, courage to set boundaries and demand human needs, courage to change the status quo if it is harming you, the courage to be on your own side for a change. In that moment it truly felt like me vs me as a side quest with the main quest (third party) on hold until I could level up. (BTW for the non-gamers, in the business we call that grinding to level up health, strength, and xp to make hard missions easier).

Number time. Leveled out working maxes at 185/225/275 and I’ll stay here until i do a max day right around March 1st. Weighed in for the challenge and holy fuck is it hurtful: 197.2 lbs with 29.4% body fat. Yuck. Challenge runs for four weeks though so I’ll let you know how that goes. Another perfect week with four lifts and three runs, working on getting my heart rate into zones 2-3 during my endurance runs and it’s getting there…slowly. Picking back up combatives training on Wednesday mornings so look forward to that one. Meals included a big ole gumbo that I made on Friday and a jambalaya I’m making tonight for family lunch at work tomorrow.

Yeah i think that’s it for this week, just remember that feeling good enough is sometimes the best we can achieve and it ought be celebrated more often.

#IGY6 / #NFCWFH / #R2R / #SCW / 988 / 23