Week 11: progress is a process

 Trying to figure out if you are moving anywhere on a run is super easy...just turn around and look at where you came from. In that spirit, you would think figuring out progress in life would be just as easy. But unlike your visual frame of reference, your metaphysical frame of reference is all subjective. In other words, thinking is hard and my brain sucks.

I've gotten back to somewhere I didn't think I'd see in the past month and a half physically. My lifts are all up, my weight is down, my running endurance is coming back...shit my blood pressure is normal for the first time in years. That shit rocks, and those victories fuel my desire to keep going. Keep lifting, running, dieting, treating my body right, all of it. Hell, I ran with my shirt off the other day...I'm him. And yet I can't seem to break myself of unreal expectations, where missing those marks results in disappointment, resentment, and ultimately wanting to just give up. I feel like I've been working at 110% capacity on all fronts to get absolutely nowhere...tethered to a steadfast wall of a life suboptimal to my goals. It is frustrating as fuck, to the point where I just want to stop trying on all of those fronts and hide in the one realm I can control. But being jacked to shit won't improve myself holistically, nor will it alone lead me to my dream life.

The thing I have to keep reminding myself of is that complex problem sets take continuous time and effort to fully resolve. Acceptance takes patience and patience requires being ok with not being perfect or not improving drastically overnight. I can combat the disappointment and frustration by instead focusing on the small wins and recognizing them as forward motion. Life isn't a series of downs in football. I don't only have four tries to advance the ball 10 yards. Instead I get unlimited attempts and opportunities to progress (even in inch increments) and mindfulness can unlock the sight of advancement if sought. For example, my career is still relatively up in the air and I won't have a clear way forward until likely April. That sucks, but what I can celebrate is that I now have a firm grasp on the totality of my situation and have drafted paths to pursue depending on the news that will eventually come. Small win? yeah. But a win is a win is a win. You don't get Yorktown everyday, sometimes you have to settle for a Hans Island whisky war victory (google it).

Stat time: Life is going fuckin well. I'm able to keep my heart rate between zones 3 and 4 (149-173) while running 10 minute miles for four-five miles at a time. That may read as nonsense but my cardio has been ass for years and this is freaking good for me. Rounded out the last program and started a hypertrophy based (lower weight, higher rep) plan this week which should carry me into May. I'll weigh out from my body comp challenge this week so look out for those numbers next week but my pants fit better and my face isn't as fat. We love a good lack of fat face. So far this week I've prepped chipotle chicken wraps, overnight oats, and chicken and mac as well as slapping a chili together for a cook-off/fundraiser at work. God I missed cooking so much, I'm good as hell at it.

Last thought of the post, learn to give yourself a fucking break from time to time. That whole "we are our worst critics" thing is for the birds, we should be our biggest fans.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 52