Week 16: birthdays, BJJ, and bullshit

 Full shout out to Mike for keeping me honest about this thing, last week was just kind of a beating and keeping up with this thing is sometimes a pain in the ass. That said, here we go.

Remember that whole “spiritual cardio” thing i was talking about? So i brought that to a therapist and turns out im an analogy genius. Dude goes “I’m gonna use that, thanks.” No worries doctor guy. Anyway doctor man also informed me that the “emotional zone 2 training” exists and it is actively grieving my disappointments and angers. Ok so…what the fuck. Because I’m over here thinking that I’m doing some really good cognitive practicing by looking on the bright side or defeating cognitive distortions…now you are saying it’s a defense mechanism and I’m playing avoidance instead of processing the pain? Fuck, this shit is hard. So i let myself feel some feelings over the weekend and yeah it drug me down. Jury is still out on if that helped at all. Solo birthdays with shit weather are just becoming par for the course.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of great shit i did throughout the week to try and skew this entry back positive. On the year I’m up 5 lbs of muscle mass and down about 4.5% body fat. I have a bicep vein sometimes and my pants fit better. I signed up for a new BJJ gym that regularly whoops my ass but ya know…cardio! Cooking and house responsibility have kinda been all over the place as work is starting to jump back up in my face due to impending events. Gotta just hunker down and handle that shit as it comes.

I know it sounds kinda pity party esque and i don’t really mean it to be. The overarching paradox of good outside shit inside stems from more white knuckling instead of fixing the engine for better mileage and performance. It’s not sustainable that way, trust me I know. Mental health is probably the most significant aspect of human performance yet everyone always says shit like diet and exercise. It is highly unlikely that anyone can build a solid house on a foundation of sand, and right now I’m anakin up in this bitch (truly interested in who gets that reference). 

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 88

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