Week 30: to good times

 Half a year has no elapsed since i took some massive steps to righting the ship and fixing the trajectory of my life. Six months of trying new shit, forcing myself to do the work and clean my side of the street, coming to terms with some sneaky character defects and unlearning some destructive responses to negative stimuli. It hasn’t been easy by a long shot and I’ve still got some growing up to do but at the very least…this place I’m at feels sustainable. Which i mean, isn’t that really what we’re all after? How often do you find yourself saying “yeah but after this week, it’ll all level out”? It has been the motto for the last ten years. But with practice and routine maintenance, hard shit becomes second nature and the train rolls on without fully being aware of it.

Starting a cut! I’ve been doing the recomp stuff for so long i figured it’s time to focus on losing some body fat and stop eating like an asshole. Yeah so apparently filling the drinking calories with fast food calories isn’t healthy, who knew. That said my last checkin wasn’t too too bad, dropped some weight but stayed around the 23% mark. Gotta fuckin get that number down before my next comp in November. Let’s see, gym is going along and BJJ is fine as long as I don’t get hung up on the fact that everything hurts always and my only actual competition at the damn kids (start combat sports young, not in the middle of your prime). Been doing a lot of counseling and appointments these past few weeks, about to start unraveling some past trauma that’s been out of sight out of mind for nine ish years…not looking forward to that.

Expectations: the birthplace of resentment. It’s real easy to caution against forming unrealistic expectations but hard as fuck to actually not do it. You’re a smart person, you know the facts and have experienced similar situations so obvi you can map out this resolution, duh. Yeah so that’s not a thing, life is dynamic and no two situations are exactly the same. It’s become pretty difficult to nip that practice in the bud but the more you work at it the easier it becomes. I’m a smart dude, but I’m not omnipotent nor am I omniscient. Take life at face value, it helps to get out of your head for a little while here and there.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 185

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