Week 31: square pegs and round holes

There comes a time in every conflict or struggle where you’ve got to take a step back and assess the situation. One requisite question that needs answering is value, is the juice worth the squeeze? Is the return on investment there? How bad do you want it? Most times these are easy to answer, especially if you have a clear head and working knowledge of your drive and desires as a human being. I’ve done that analysis a lot this year and every time I come back with yes, it’s worth it. Now grip that rope and give it hell until the ride closes out on a high. But what happens when it doesn’t?

There’s another question that often gets overlooked because it opens the door for disappointment and heartbreak. It’s no longer an assessment of what you want and how bad you want it, it has become a question of feasibility and in some cases possibility. It’s the door opening that can lead to an unfortunate truth, and that’s no. No matter how hard you try and what angles you apply, sometimes the square peg just won’t fit in the round hole.

I’ve done that once this year already and it’s not a fun activity. Giving up is always a strike to the gut, but 1000x more when it’s something you’d give anything for. Sure you can exhaust yourself and damn near kill yourself trying to make it fit…but if the shapes aren’t there they just aren’t. But grown up shit. I don’t want to quit, i don’t want to give up, every being in my fiber says those are the makings of a loser and mama didn’t raise a quitter, but sometimes it’s the one and only smart choice to make.

Last week was relatively uneventful. Had some in-laws in the mix which is always a good time. Watched the Olympics a lot, trained, cooked, and did a damn fine job closing out a high vis project at work. I may be trying to defeat the toxic insecurity that runs my life but fuck me…getting recognized by the big boss is a high that I’ll always secretly crave. Then opened this week by jamming the fuck out of my finger and incapacitating my weak hand for the foreseeable future. Highs and lows man, highs and lows.

Look I’m not advocating cutting and running when shit gets hard, there should always be an honest and tough push for shit that you want. But if the writing is on the wall and the outcome you’re chasing is an impossibility…hanging it up and moving on is the only mature move to make. Food for thought as we all navigate this shitshow called life. As always, be kind to yourself and others, we are all going through some heinous shit that we don’t care to share en masse. A little grace goes a long way.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 192