Week 32: being okay with blah

 That’s the real mental health hurdle that anxious and depressed individuals have to contend with, it’s also the reason there is such a large overlap between mental health concerns and alcoholism. See facing shitty feelings is required in order to adequately grieve them, process them, and move on from them. That is something i didn’t start putting into practice until this year and naturally…it’s something that I’m not a trained professional at. I’m a lot better at it than i used to be though (quite a bit better actually). Life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, it can’t be. You need a shitty weather day to appreciate clear skies and only siths deal in absolutes.

As you can probably guess, yeah last week wasn’t the most tip top of times. I’ve had some suboptimal training days and even missed the gym twice due to some ankle biting injuries. On top of that I’m fucking slammed with appointments and by the time i get home the only thing i want to do is sit on the couch watching shitty reels until it’s bedtime. Not exactly the life worth celebrating, but being able to sit with that negativity and not let it send me into a tailspin is huge improvement from last year so damnit well take it.

This whole year has forced me to face a lot of unsatisfactory, unfortunate, and downright disappointing realities about the life I’ve created and decisions I’ve made that led me here. Somewhere along the way I started hiding from my problems and just let them build and build until they damn near removed X from the equation. Now that I’m getting to the point where i can move on from those decisions and realities comes the next challenge: choosing where I want to go from here. Figuring out what happiness I want and pursuing it. That’s the deal right, we are given the right of happiness, just the right to pursue it. There’s an active piece to that happy puzzle and it takes effort, a vision of what you want sure but also the tenacity to take that fucker for yourself.

I dunno man sometimes i just ramble about psychology stuff because it keeps me busy. Getting choked out on a regular basis may be fucking with my head. But hey, better than assaulting pedestrians at the k-mart naw’m sayin.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 200