Week 33: is this thing on?

 Here’s the problem with doing weekly accountability recaps: some weeks are so routine and bland that in retrospect you can’t even begin to think about what to discuss. I mean the gym, fighting, diet, cooking, cleaning, just the normal shit. And then like clockwork, in the days where you are tardy with your post…EVERYTHING IS FUCKING HAPPENING. So now the only thing on my mind is this week and in no way, shape, or form can I fathom expanding on week 33. But fuck it, why not just riff.

Something im starting to recognize is that in the past I’ve been very selfish without actually being aware of the fact. Like i do stuff for other people and subconsciously i do that to have it reciprocated. When it’s not returned i get upset, with no real reason as to why? Expectations open the door for resentments and it used to be incredibly prevalent in my life. These days, I try to just do the right thing: both in life in general and right by people. At first it kinda felt like i was forsaking my own satisfaction, fulfillment, etc. but the truth is that there’s no need for resentment at all. If you do a selfless act because it’s nice or deserved or right, good for you. If, then, that same treatment isn’t returned, no real reason to fret or get poopy, just realize that that person isn’t naturally coded for that service to you and do with that information what you will. Maybe don’t make that friend as important to your life as you have, maybe create some space. But lack of reciprocity shouldn’t result in you being all poopy butthole about it. Because after all…you did a good, right, true, and just thing. Good for you.

All of that to say the past couple of weeks have been super introspective and we out here just living life ya know. Snapping necks and cashing checks. Excited for my dad to be up here next week and spend some quality time with them, excited to put more work into my leg, excited to settle in to a comfortable silence and make the most of the downtime. Probably going to reengage the “learn guitar” side quest i started a few years back after a blacked out Amazon purchase. And before you give me shit for that previous sentence, fuck you I’m 208 days sober 🤣

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 208

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