Week 36: the calm

 I know i know i know, it’s Wednesday and not Monday. Again. I’m sorry. I’m coming out of the rut and falling back in to the grind but we haven’t gotten back to normal yet so please grant me the patience you ought to grant yourself (boom, turned it around on you). The truth is that the past couple of weeks I’ve been burdened by the impending bob dylan song that it’s been hard to quiet the noise and focus on the basics. Ya know, do the next right thing, even when nobody is watching. Stay active, stay responsible, stay focused, stay motivated. The future is psyching me up so much that the anticipation is bleeding into the now and throwing everything helter skelter. It’s times like these that should remind all of us to just work on the zero meter target. Get out of bed, workout, eat a healthy breakfast, do the tasks at work expected of you today. As long as I follow through today, isn’t that what the future is? Just a never ending amount of today’s in perpetuity?

Being a grown ass adult and being scared are, on paper, two very counterproductive statuses to assume. On one hand the dark/heights/clowns/toilet sharks (don’t watch jaws super young) aren’t nearly as intimidating as they were when we were kids (mainly because i lock my doors and am old enough to carry a weapon). But on the other it’s still a basic human reaction to something different or outside of the norm. I think being terrified as an adult is more so a product of our minds over analyzing and running fuckin wild in the absence of experience. Who knows what big boy jobs are like on the outside, what if I don’t have time to lift or roll or volunteer with scouts? What if it’s like office space? What’s nuts is unless you know someone who walked your EXACT PATH (not likely) nobody has the answers…you gotta learn it by livin it. As someone who tries to prepare for everything…fuckin yikes.

Look team, everything’s going really well. I want to thank yall that have reached out this year and kept me driving on. Last year all the way through January of this year was a bad bad bad bad time…but with a lot of support from yall (and psychotropics, medical and psychiatric doctors, and heavy metal circles) I’m working my way to a place I can be proud of. Love yourself the way you love others because you are just as deserving as those you give to. Oh, and save your pickle juice to marinate your chicken, the enzymes breakdown the meat just as good as buttermilk.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 228

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