Week 40: between feral and fine

 Eh i mean sorta locked in. I’d say i have a solid excuse in that we were traveling all weekend and got back in town later Monday afternoon but that wouldn’t necessarily account for missing it yesterday too. Let’s just call a spade a spade and say we are doing our best 👍 

Right where were we…oh yeah the pit of despair. So we did something we hadn’t done in forever and went exploring in Colorado last weekend. Took off on Thursday to get some hella hiking in and check off another national park off of our list (black canyon of the gunnison…pwetty fweakin sweet). On top of that squatober started back up and i immediately fell two days behind (will make up this weekend). BJJ is going but all of these trips are preventing me from signing up for another competition (which is a subtle win because i feel like im regressing on that front). I guess on paper everything is somewhere between hot shot and hot shit.

These are the doldrums that seem almost impossible to escape. This feeling of not quite being enough: good enough, strong enough, tough enough, smart enough, etc. couple that with a deep incessant need to exceed at everything you do can leave you in a real shitty mood when in reality it’s not as bad as it seems. What MAKES it feel that bad is the juxtaposition of the current place and your wildly impractical expectations of yourself. Am I still way too concerned about my physique and body comp? Absolutely. Does that make me feel like a shit bag when i buy a 1.8lb bag of sour Mike and Ike’s? 100%. But am I actually doing terrible job and deserve the personal and inward chastisement I’ve been inflicting? No…not really no.

Someone told me about the winter arc: the last quarter of the calendar year where you lock in and give it hell. Somehow that added pressure against my slacking off isn’t the most productive way to handle my mental fortitude. I’m getting ahead of myself. I really just need to swing the sight picture back and focus on what I am doing right this instant up to maybe the next few hours. Cut down on the unreal amount expectations and focus on just doing what’s right right now. Thanks for coming to my ted talk, I’m gonna go give myself grief for waiting until a Wednesday and set 17 alarms to do next weeks on Monday. kthxbye

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 256

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