Weeks 41-42: roller coaster

 Holy shit team can we please just sit in a lull for longer than a few days without something drastic popping off? Yeah i know i get it, so is the nature of life, but for the love of all that is holy id kill to just be bored once in a while. Fuck, alright cool let’s get into this.

Two weeks ago i was swimming in the job market thinking that my time in the army was going to be coming to an end quicker than i had originally planned. This induced panic, I’m hardly comfortable in the idea that I’ll have to pick my clothes out for work but shifting up the transition by a few months was wild. That’s right about the time I got hit by another bomb, this one changing the timeline to, yet again, undetermined. So to recap: over the span of three days I went from having three months left of transition to having two weeks of transition, back down to “no idea kid, just hold on.” I guess that’s to be expected honestly, I’ve spent half of this year in a holding pattern waiting to learn about my future so why not close the year out in the same manner.

Oh I’m doing alright about it, just that the anxiety is going to put me in an early grave and I’m having a hard time writing one email without further spiraling. Look back to week 6/7/8…somewhere in there and you’ll find the cognitive distortions. I’m back in a lot of them. So yeah, set backs suck and I lost my shit for a minute. Now I’m trying to get it back starting with the next right thing and taking it day by day. Commence the climb.

Last week wasn’t too bad, just started with the existential crisis until taking an early weekend to go to Vegas for emo fest. That escape was not just appreciated, it was legit a necessity to keep my head on straight. Spend time with family, catch up with good friends, and live in the high school days with nothing to worry about but which bands we’re gonna see and where is the bathroom. Side note on that, i don’t think Vegas for the sake of Vegas things is the move for sober Justin. The festival was awesome, live music always heals the soul. But when you take booze away from the gambling and nightlife it kinda just becomes babysitting and ridiculous crowds. I think I’m good on Vegas activities for the foreseeable future. I also got to see a good buddy for the first time in forever and honestly it kicked some serious ass. Making friends as an adult is harder and more rare than in your younger years, but hold on to the ones you make.

Gym is gym, I fell off on BJJ training over the last two weeks while my head was on backwards but I’m heading back in today. Buncha dudes from the gym kicked some ass at a tournament last weekend and i want to be back in there with them.

All told, shits alright. It sucks but on the other side I’ll look back and realized I not only survived, but thrived.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 268

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