Week 45: when happiness was free

 Sat on this one for a bit, honestly didn’t know if I was going to keep up with the project after last week. Truth be told somewhere between the seasons changing, being sick as shit, and being locked in a holding pattern i walked my happy ass into a nice dark corner and just kinda lived in it. That’s one of the things people don’t say about depression. Sure sure it’s the very sad times and the woe is me times…but frequently it’s finding yourself in the shit and just accepting it. Not getting up and fighting or putting in the effort to make things better…it’s the “this is fine” meme while everything burns around you because it’s just so fucking tiring to pull yourself out. Times like those are when my drinking got absolutely out of control before I quit, because i didn’t want to change the surroundings, more so i just wanted to be numb to it after admitting defeat and accepting life forever would be that way. It’s a tricky bitch sometimes kids, look out for your friends.

Music has this really magical attribute to it, don’t it. One day I’m wasting away on the couch and the next I’m taken back to a time with few responsibilities and fewer worries. Started listening to the Texas country from the late oughts and early teens and it really just did something incredible. Doesn’t matter if the song is sad or it reminds you of a breakup, overall i felt the way i did whooping around in the grey ford with these songs on shuffle. The days of concerts at Floores and dancing at midnight…of rage crew and thanksgiving ragers. A good playlist can be a therapist, a Time Machine, basically just a miracle worker.

Last week was a week of extremes. Spent four days holed up on the couch sick as a dog waiting for death to come, followed by four days of kicking it with one of my best friends and his family out hunting east texas. We laughed, ate game meat like kings, hell even check out an Indian casino and won 150 bucks on a slot machine. Longhorns spanked, cowboys got spanked, i was just happy to be in that moment with them listening to anthems of the bygone era. On the accountability side of the house: didn’t do a lick of eating right or working out because i was dead. Sue me, I’m back at it this week.

I’ve been getting eaten by this nagging search for some purpose. Some reason to get up and kick todays ass day in and day out. I think it’s tied to helping others…should walk that thought out for a minute to see where it goes. Anyway, reckless Kelly was here live at Zona Rosa, Austin from 2006 is live on Spotify and you can finally listen to their cover of 52 Vincent black lightening.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 292