Week 47: the doldrums

Let’s pull back the curtain even more so than usual. The process for writing these entries, save for very notable weeks, often follow a very similar format. Typically it’s somewhere between Monday and Thursday and it occurs to me that it’s time for my checkin. Then i start digging through my calendar, photos, texts, and social media trying to figure out what of note happened in the week I’m recapping and draft up a general shape of what I’m writing about and any big things on my mind. On very routine uneventful weeks like last week, i stare at my phone for like an hour with no clue where im going with it. Eventually tho, I’ll just start writing and the entry kinda completes itself. These weeks are generally the toughest because not only can I not think of anything significant to share, I’m also disheartened to realize how monotonous and boring I can be. Not that I’m a high seeking, petulant child that needs to be entertained every day…but the seemingly endless march in circles while everything is on hold really takes a toll. Anywho…

There’s just not much to share for last week, we did the gym thing and the BJJ thing, i haven’t meal prepped in a while but aside from my crippling addiction to sour skittles I’m eating relatively alright. I played 36 holes of disc golf and took advantage of one of the last nice weekends of the year as we are barreling towards the six months of snow storms and freezing temps. I’m halfway through the entirety of supernatural and am up to my eyelids in Warhammer 40k lore because what better to pass the time than to dive into increasingly complicated sci-fi worlds to escape your own monotonous toil. Oh hey i did get a stripe on my white belt in BJJ, it’s kinda like a tiny promotion…after four stripes you get promoted to the next belt…and typically it takes 2 years to go from white to blue so that’s where I be currently. All in all it was a very cut, copy, paste week in the year that is rapidly coming to a close.

I’ve been having this day dream about getting out of the army, cutting all physical ties to Colorado and moving to some middle of nowhere town in the Midwest…like Omaha or some shit, and working as a bartender. Just blowing in to town out of nowhere and being a bartender where I get to know all of the regulars while they know nothing about this new mystery character. Is it based on the premise of an episode of supernatural? Maybe, but god it would scratch the itch of random conversations with strangers at bars that i don’t get since I’ve quit drinking. There’s just some allure of the anonymity that comes with a deep conversation with a complete stranger. 

It’s times like these when it’s imperative to remember that bad days, weeks, etc are just a natural part of the overarching timeline and really amount to nothing when compared to the good times. Like this year i think I’ve gone and been with some of the most important people in my life more so than any other year of my army career and that truly means something. It fills me up mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve gotta keep that in mind and not let a lull take up as much real estate in my head and heart as I’ve been letting it. Boring isn’t fun but it sure as hell is safe. Appreciate the boring i guess is the point of this weeks entry. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta sharpen all of my knives and prep for my cooking superbowl this week. Lots of love friendos.

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 304