S2 E5: the calm

Ok so i know im late on this entry. I’ve had it in mind to complete for the last three days but honestly ive been too wrapped up in other things that i stayed pretty distant from my phone. Sorry, will happen again im sure of it.

This last week has been half on par with the battle rhythm and half relaxed and focused on stuff around the house. Started getting cold of some sort so have been mainlining DayQuil and avoiding BJJ cuz i don’t want to be that guy. But the horrors persist and so must I. The biggest departure from the grind has been spending more time around the house with Liz before her big trip which starts this week. It’s been a hell of a time, we finished painting the downstairs and have a bunch of cute shit on the walls…even our empty as fuck front room looks like a part of the house. Plus we did another game night with her friends and uno got violent as shit! Her leaving is going to suck but hey that’s the army for ya, just another opportunity to dig deep and stick to what needs to be done.

Benchuary kicked off this week so lots of early mornings there, i bought my tickets and hotel and such for my New York trip so in the beginning of the lonesome doldrums that’s the first monotony pattern break. Still employed by the US Army, still don’t have a job lined up for afterwards, still getting exponentially more nervous about the whole thing.

Truth be told I’m really nervous about the next ten months. I’ve got a year of sobriety under my belt and I’m probably fitter and healthier than I’ve been since college…but that said I’m about to have zero face to face accountability outside of this blog and whoever calls me from time to time. I’m all about confidence and faking it till you make it but can I really, wholeheartedly bet on myself to walk the road to right (roll credits on season 2) without falter for ten months? No, and that’s honestly the best lesson here. Because i didn’t have a perfect year last year either, i had times where my mental health suffered and i stopped lifting and eating right, retracting from all activities and hermitting up alone. It was the ability to pull myself out that mattered, and by that logic if i did it last year it should come easier this year.

One month down and 11 to go in S2, pretty nervous yet cautiously excited about where it’s going. Remember: if you saved yourself once you can do it again with less effort. Work on the spiritual cardio, help make the right thing the easier choice, you’ll be alright (he said to himself hopefully)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 375 🎉

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