S2 E10: all Baja, no blast

If you’ve never been lucky enough to be graced with a panic attack allow me to describe it to you. It’s like if you woke up in the morning and your body is reacting in a similar fashion to if everything around you is on fire. You know there is no fire, you know it’s a basic ass Tuesday and you’ve got shit to do, but it takes every last ounce of your energy to push through the fight or flight response to just get downstairs to start your day. Your chest feels like you are in the middle of a half marathon but you haven’t ran in months, for me my internal temperature control goes out the window and also i get the alcohol withdrawal cold sweats…which are just gross. Yeah panic attacks fucking suck and brother, I’m living it.

Life has been rather lifey in the recent weeks. I miss my wife, i miss my family, finances are getting a bit tight and i feel as if Ive been prosecuted having not done anything at all. When you add all that to the ever present anxiety and depression, subtract a good nights sleep, i find myself in downtown panicsville. As much as id love to say its been rainbows and butterflies last week, in truth its more just been trying to get by. In the shit moments all we can do is breathe, reach out for assistance, and don’t get down on yourself for drawing back into your turtle shell if you have to for survival. I know I’m not.

Yeah main keeping a happy face and a strong will can sometimes seem damn near impossible but as long as I get through the day, good enough will just have to do. I’ve got myriad things to be thankful for: my wife, my family, my friends, my dogs, a roof over my head, enough funds to keep food and water in my belly. As long as none of those are in danger I’m actually doing just fine, even if it feels like the Roman Empire is crumbling.

Last week actually had some high spots worth mentioning too. I set a new bench personal best at 240, i got out and played disc golf for the first time in forever, i finally got a concrete date for my transition to the civilian world, plus me Jake and Ky beat the breaks off the tyranid and heretical scum in 40k. Yeah things aren’t great, but they also aren’t terrible either. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Bbq sauce.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 409 / YCKTD


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