S2 E11: For the love of the game

Another week down, another relatively uneventful week pondering the meaning of existence outside of the written plot of my universe. Still have the impending transition around the corner without a lead on employment in sight, still managing the burden of loneliness and stress without getting lost in it. It seems like the only real significant change from week to week is the weather my patience with Loki and Lola. Speaking of, ole boy spent the vast majority of last week sick which really put a damper on the back and forth from my house to post never really knowing what i was coming back to in the house. Luckily a few days of sensitive tummy later and he’s right as rain, fit as a fiddle, another weird cross between simile and metaphor ( its simile because it follows the blank is like/as a blank but it’s personifying inanimate objects). One thing I’ve really fallen off from regularly attending is BJJ. Between tattoos, illness, and competing time requirements for work it’s been forever and I’m really dragging myself for it. I want to devote more time to it and get overall better at it, but all of that depends on being able to make the classes. There’s a mental block there too for sure, i don’t want to give up on it but i wonder if I need to downsize the amount of shit I do on a daily basis. I hate the idea of quitting anything, especially something i enjoy. I don’t know, gotta play that one by ear.

No additional panic attacks or mental outbursts from last entry to this one. Lots of deep breathing and managing my expectations have led to a better approach to life. Granted, I still feel off some days. It’s like a filter has been placed over the world that changes how different events and people are perceived and received. Times like that I tend to use music to try and recolor to a more ideal filter, but neither my go to nor butt rock playlists are fully doing the trick so I’m gonna need to try something stronger…maybe like intense orchestral movie tunes a la hans zimmer. More to follow.

I don’t want to lament too much because again, for all intents and purposes life is good. I’m healthy, I’m sober, i have a way forward, and I have a full comprehension of my situation currently. The best comparison I can give is the weather. I don’t live in tornado or hurricane areas but it’s been a little cold, super windy, just not ideal to be out and about in.

Oh shit last thing, i made a PB&J Crunchwrap supreme on Friday with a peanut butter, jelly, granola, and honey base. Took a graham cracker covered in cream cheese spread for the “crunch”, then topped it with sliced berries before wrapping, toasting, and munching. Maybe i take the GI Bill when i get out and go to culinary school…nah that’s a stretch. I just made a stoners breakfast and it tasted phenomenal. Oh shit, and locked in Fourth of July plans. Alex and I are gonna see blues traveler, gin blossoms, and spin doctors at red rocks. LFG.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 416 / YCKTD

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