S2 E12: rounding the bend

Or turning the corner, really i was torn between the two but something about “the bend” just stuck with me. Nah it doesn’t matter, what matters is I’m coming out the other side of this angry/scared/shit tunnel I’ve felt trapped in for the last few weeks and things are starting to look up. Not that I’ve won the lottery or nailed my perfect dream job, almost got hit by a Department of Public Works truck today though and that’s the closest I’ve come to winning the lottery. Point is my heads getting locked back in the right place. Less and less energy is being spent on wallowing in self pity or needlessly freaking about the yet-to-comes. Truly it will all work out at one point or another, the faith in that alone is becoming sufficient enough to keep doing the right thing and keep marching on.
Isn’t it weird how the connotations in walking synonyms can paint out how one approaches life? Marching forward, trudging along, shuffling through life, we get it dog your bipedal, move on. Sorry, got real side tracked there for a minute. Accountability! I’m back on my regularly planned out gym cycle and the weather has been nice enough to knock the lifts out at home. Great for commute times and not so great if you’re my 70 something neighbor who isn’t the largest fan of Buttrock. I’m on week two or three of properly meal prepping for the week and getting in the calories a growing boy needs, hydration is…well…theirs water in monsters…? Ok yeah so work to be done. Fitting time in the schedule for BJJ has been a toughy but what’s been holding me back more than planning is self-doubt. Being shit at it is hard, getting my ass kicked is hard, and being real anxious/sad boi the past few weeks have just kept me away outright. That stops tomorrow (it worked today I’m so sorry). After that, Willie gave me the idea to squeeze in some cross training on rest days and that’s going to start soon too. Beyond fitness, well I’m applying for work and reading the hobbit…neither of which are going well but I’m working at it!
Also picked back up on trying to learn how to play the guitar. It’s been impossible to find an instructor on YouTube that I don’t hate (stupid hate, weird voice, general douchiness) so i asked mom to teach me. I’ve got three songs i want to learn by the time Liz gets back. Yeah, I’m gonna be super sappy and romantic and shit…bite me. Chicks dig musicians.
I love you guys. The rate at which i get tremendous outward support after each post is just incredible. Yall make me want to keep going, growing, building, thriving, and eventually succeed. I’ve been pretty damn blessed to have had some phenomenal people enter my life and not decide to leave after i do something fucking idiotic. Yall the real mvps. Give yourselves a break, buy the ice cream, live a little. If there’s anything that binds us all together it’s our fragility. Life is fucking hard enough, no making harder for people OR ESPECIALLY FOR YOURSELF. Peace out Girl Scout ✌️ 

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