S2 E9: Concrete Jungle Wet Dream Tomato

Alright I’m coming over the top with this, making a weekly blog post isn’t the hardest thing in the world. The problem is that life has been rather lifey the last couple of weeks and inevitably it gets that way at the beginning of the week. It may even be a better idea to shift up a day to Sunday before i can get gobsmacked by life in the early bits of the week like I often do. So yeah, not an excuse just an explanation, I’ll get there.

You may notice that the pattern for naming entries would have this one titled repeat…but it can’t be because it’s not every day you take your first ever trip to the big apple. We started the week on a travel day which ended with dinner and the hugs and catching ups that you’d expect from not seeing my family for a significant amount of time. It was mom, Jennica, nick, Jessica, and I hanging out around Manhattan for three days. I watched a taping for the Kelly Clarkson Show, self toured around 30 Rock, went to Wicked on Broadway and walked around Time Square, checked out the Statue of Liberty, 9/11 Memorial, Brooklyn Bridge, and Central Park. Did you know that the terrace at the end of John Wick 2 is real? Yeah, listened to an Opera singing street performance there. Super fucking cool trip and not just for exploration, it was important for me to see family again. Especially in a time where shit kinda sucks and Liz is gone, definitely needed it.

Now, on to the introspective part of today’s entry…relying on self validation fucking blows because it requires a relentless strength and confidence that people like me just don’t have. Picture this: you aren’t particularly talented at any one thing. You’re mediocre at cooking, music, martial arts, lifting, skiing, pretty much everything you do you are either shit or passable. In fact the only thing you are remarkably great at is your job, what ends up happening is that you derive a lot of self worth from work performance. So when your job externally tells you you suck, it’s super easy to have that metabolize and settle in as “you’re a shit person”. Also this hypothetical is a struggle I’ve been dealing with for the last few years. The good thing however, and of course I got this from therapy: you are not limited to the present happenings to derive that worth or performance. As my time comes to an end i can reflect and find solace in my greatest hits, which were pretty fucking great. (And yeah i know that deriving my self worth from my professional performance is not the ideal activity, im working on it)

The recap for this week is going to be a doozy, I’ll probably put it out there on Sunday. Suffice to say shits been rough, but Elton said “I’m Still Standing” and i truly fucking am.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA

NFCWFH / IGY6 / 988 / SCW / 404 / YCKTD

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