S2 E22: the new beginning
You guys are collectively assholes, you know that? As of late I’ve been feeling real down in the dumps, the novelty of being a civilian wore off so quick i feel as if i didn’t even enjoy it as the excitement swiftly transitioned to stressful fear of failure and lack of employment. Add to that the physical pain of straining something in my knee last week which put me on a sabbatical from lifting and BJJ and you’ve got a rather unhappy wreck of a Justin. But you fuckers never fail to pick me up and guide me in the right direction, you never fail to offer a hand or compliment or praise in the most dire of moments which ignites the fire again. You sit there in your homes, reading the verbal vomit that is this blog, and make the best out of whatever shit sandwich I’m eating at the time and keep me from rolling over in defeat. I don’t deserve my friends and family, the immovable and unbeatable foundation upon which my anxious house of cards stands. Thank you, ya pricks.
So yeah strained one of the “CLs” in my knee last Tuesday at BJJ then reinjured it Saturday playing disc golf when I unceremoniously ate shit twice. Not a tear or anything, just enough to hurt like a bitch but keep the recovery strategy of “baby it, it’ll be fine.” Not the best way to start my life as a retired veteran as I didn’t really lift or run or roll or anything like that last week which put me in a significant funk. Tried to break out of it with video games or magic or job applications but the seemingly never ending TBNT (thanks, but no thanks) emails kept dragging me down. And still, in the midst of having reasonable despair, a couple of you took the time out of your day to hit me up with congratulations, words of wisdom, words of comfort, and general guidance to have me walking (stumbling/hobbling) directly into this week on a path to glory. I’ve got a plan, a new purpose, a new hand touches the beacon (SON OF A BITCH FUCK DAMNIT ARGH). That last part is a Skyrim reference, don’t worry about it. But yeah, as it turns out I’ve got some godly friends and family that stand ready to pick my ass up off the ground even when i want to lay in a pity puddle and just give in to the darkness. Not today says they.
I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you. I’ve made it a point in this thing to advocate for acceptance, support, kindness, and compassion. I’ve urged the reader to give themselves and others some grace while not being the best at practicing what i preach. I’m very “do as I say, not as I do” when it comes to being nice to myself because my expectations of me are so high. I’m not fair or nice to myself, really need to try to be, but even when I’m not y’all are. You take my urging of compassion to heart and send that shit back at me in the most crucial of times. One day i hope to repay all of you but by the time i knock it out I’ll likely have accrued even more good deeds from you helpful and selfless bastards that the cycle of courtesy will never end. The world is a dark place these days but you are the light.
Next couple of days/weeks are recovery focused so don’t expect to see me in the gym or fight house. But I’m here, with a new purpose and a can do attitude, and it’s all thanks (this time) to a big brother i haven’t talked to in years. Oh, and twoish weeks ago i reconnected with a middle school best friend of mine that sent my spirits into the stratosphere, thanks Josh.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA
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