S2 E36: Untitled
This one is gonna be weird. See for starters, i don’t have much in the way of reporting about from last week. Like, i worked out three times, did my PMP class, weighed in at five star (my weight stayed the same but my goal is to drop 8-10% BF by December), had a nerdy Sunday, did all the therapies…but that’s kind of it. Short entry if I just keep it there right?
By weird I mean it’s going to sorta just be stream of consciousness. See last week kinda stunk on the grounds that i spent most of it under a great deal of stress that hung on me more than usual. And living in that fog is just frustrating. It’s super mental, i spend way too much time in my dome analyzing and over analyzing different stressors and just how visceral of a reaction am I going to have to them. Saw a post the other day that beautifully described it: basically I’ve spent enough time invested in mental health to recognize thinking traps and cognitive distortions but have been flooded with the intrusive negative thoughts anyways. It’s like helms deep and I’m not sure which side is the Rohirrim. Now, you know what anxiety is like. When you’re in it it’s eternal, never ending, crippling, someone hold me. Could you imagine someone being actually trapped in a never ending anxiety spell? (THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT I AM, JUST AN EXPLORATION INTO A CONCEPT) Holy shit, that’s terrifying. That’s that “that’s my secret cap, I’m always angry” type shit. And if that’s so then yall owe the avengers an apology for shitting on that scene. You know whomst you are.
Counseling and therapy are phenomenal tools that i reckon 99% of society could benefit from using. Those experts and trained and paid for their ability to listen to your bullshit, digest said bullshit, then give you expert advice on not only cause and effect…but also on the path forward. I tell ya, the transition from lost to found in an hour and a half is impressive every week. If you are going through anything stressful, there couldn’t be more opportunities than there are in the year of our lord 2025 to get some help. From actual offices to apps: talking to someone who understands your plight is phenomenal medicine. Everything is going to work out fine, there will be ups and downs along the way, and as long as general progress is being made over time then setbacks aren’t meant to be lamented upon. Am I further down the R2R than i was yesterday? No, probably back tracked a bit this week. But I’m further than I was at this time last year.
Sometimes this platform feels like a chore, it did this week. But that’s what accountability looks like, making good on your commitments or vocalizing when you’ll fall short if life gets in the way. It’s what grown ups do, and i guess at 33 i should probably include myself in that category.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a8SwDX6DQM8RG6jZv9bFV?si=d_KwhpLcSeWoW2tTOOzbDA
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