Road to Right: Justin’s accountability tour

 Motivation is a weird bitch when you get to thinking about it. For starters I’ve never experienced a “general motivation,” it is normally singularly focused on a certain task or goal and rarely (read: never) bleeds over to other aspects of my life. It’s also fickle as fuck and frequently dips out prior to actually bringing the task into the end zone. It’s like when mikes secret stuff from space jam runs out…except I’m not a loony toon and am subsequently forced to fight like hell to finish. I wish motivation was like pre-workout where it just fuels me across the board until it wears off. A counselor asked me this morning why I seem so discontented and tired…well damn Gina it’s because i am. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose sounds rad but filling/refilling that heart is tough as fuck. Oh well, I’m bitching, moving on. Not only did i have a perfect Apple Watch week by closing my stand, move, and exercise rings for seven days in a row but i finally weighed out from my body change ...

 I started going back through and reading all of my previous posts and something felt missing. Well no shit, the missing link was the first post that kicked off this little venture of mine. It was a Facebook post from a strung out, tired, morally degraded drunk who was ready for a change and needed more accountability than his own self would provide. I think I was talking from a place of false positivity and drive, hoping that with more eyes on me I could turn it into real motivation and dedication. Did I get there? Sure. They way I had planned it all out? Holy shit absolutely not, January was a  flaming downward spiral of a hellcoaster...but alas it is no more. Anywho: for your viewing pleasure, here comes week 0. Accountability time: 2023 sucked. I was away from home all the time, hardly got to see friends and family, in and out of hospitals on the back half of the year, and came to terms with the reality that I’ve been surviving on grit alone while not having significant pa...

 Trying to figure out if you are moving anywhere on a run is super easy...just turn around and look at where you came from. In that spirit, you would think figuring out progress in life would be just as easy. But unlike your visual frame of reference, your metaphysical frame of reference is all subjective. In other words, thinking is hard and my brain sucks. I've gotten back to somewhere I didn't think I'd see in the past month and a half physically. My lifts are all up, my weight is down, my running endurance is coming back...shit my blood pressure is normal for the first time in years. That shit rocks, and those victories fuel my desire to keep going. Keep lifting, running, dieting, treating my body right, all of it. Hell, I ran with my shirt off the other day...I'm him. And yet I can't seem to break myself of unreal expectations, where missing those marks results in disappointment, resentment, and ultimately wanting to just give up. I feel like I've been work...

 When you’ve been happily eating shit for the past longer-than-hell amount of time it becomes really really really fucking hard to celebrate achievement. Here’s an example i see every day: random person says “hey man, how’s it going?” And the truth is that it’s actually going pretty ok if not good. But for some reason my brain settles on “oh you know, just another day” as if shit is terrible. Why? Damn dude be happy when things get good. Celebrate small victories. If you hold your applause until Yorktown sized wins…well your clapping muscles will atrophy. Last week was actually pretty good in all reality. Weighed in losing 6 pounds in a month and dropping one percent body fat, ran four continuous miles (which i haven’t done in ages), and my maxes only dropped by a little over the past shit spiral into oblivion (sitting at 215/255/345). And yet with all of this i can’t help but be cautious, waiting for the shoe to fall on some horrific news. It’s what I’m used to, it’s all I’ve know...

 A day late and a dollar short (as evidenced by the release date) but tada I’m here again. The farther i get in to this year the more and more i flip between “yo I’ve got this!” And “fuck off it’s impossible”. Last week was the latter.  For the sake of this story I’m excluding fitness from my three main efforts because it really has become part of my daily and keeps me sane. Right so three main efforts: work, home, and mental health. With the army right now I’m working my ass off to stay in good graces while also trying to maneuver my way into the civilian sector is the best way possible (surprise, not going to Kansas no more). At home I’m trying to cultivate a much more positive environment that’s mutually beneficial to the whole fam. Mentally I’m just trying to catch a fucking break and put into practice tips, tricks, and tools to prevent burnout, exasperation, and ultimately culmination. Ron Swanson once said to never half ass two things but to whole ass one thing. I’m out ...