Road to Right: Justin’s accountability tour

 Welp, it happened. Whole ass officially happened. Last Friday I took my uniform off for the the last time, snagged some stickers and a flag on the way out, and medically retired from the United States Army. Yeah, the target since fall semester of 2009 and the job that has defined my identity has all come to an end. Lemme pull this side thread for a minute because tackling how I’m feeling in its entirety is seemingly impossible right now. So Friday i pierced my nose, rather I went to my tattoo shop and paid a professional to stab me in the nostril and fill the hole with a cute little shiny stud. Coming from a blood line with already big noses, the swelling I’ve had since Friday makes me feel like inoki from Shippuden which is just excessive. Can’t wait for the next six months to fly by so i can swap out the stud for a ring but in the meantime its all saline solution and not laying on my face. It’s hard to put into words how im feeling. On the one hand this event has been on the hor...

Last week was equal parts really unfortunately rough and nostalgically awesome, not simultaneously but more-so we started bad and ended better. It’s not secret (because of this blog) that I’ve spent the last year and a half really going through it as I’ve worked to put my life back together in a better, happier, and healthier way. I could not have gotten to where I am without my friends and i feel like a much more present friend than i was in the past. While that makes the happy times brighter, it also makes parting that much more morose and bitter. Monday was the last full day I got to spend with Tanner before taking him to the airport Tuesday morning. Tanner is an incredibly selfless and uplifting person that has been one of my biggest supporters of this period of recovery and is also the bastard that awoke my obsession and addiction to Magic: The Gathering. It was an awesome opportunity to return his kindness by helping him clear his apartment, hosting him for the night and cooking ...

One of the more significant things I learned when i stopped drinking was just how much drinking factored in to how much I’d enjoy myself during events or activities. Like going to a concert sober would be a bummer and i would be a sour grumpy guss even when i love going to live music. “What you mean i can’t drink while playing golf because ive gotta drive myself? Yeah I’m not going.”i probably should’ve backed off then, it was making me a cloudy grouch anytime i had to be sober, what a miserable fucking existence that is. This last week was filled with good times and great music and I enjoyed every single one of them. Started the week with Seether at the Ford Amphitheater (and dinner before that was the seafood boil place which was fire as fuuuuuuuck) and it was a hell of a concert. They did play broken at like…3/4 speed so it was weirdly slow. Ended up leaving because it was cold and windy and i was poorly prepared for the weather but still: solid fuckin show. Of course lifted and rol...

PIC UNRELATED, just look at this fucking guy sitting like a human and judging me. God these weeks seem to run together and I’m running out of shit to say in these posts. I suppose I can tell on myself a bit in that I didn’t work out or go to BJJ as much as I should have last week. I didn’t really eat right last week either. It was sorta an off week, the cool thing was getting my release date and being able to mark a calendar with when i will be a civilian again (or I suppose technically a retiree). That was dope, that led to a lot of exciting texts and phone calls to let people know. But with that date came the swiftly approaching unemployment anxiety which isn’t suuuuper great for the whole mental health thing. Hell I even got out to the range a couple of times last week to practice what we went over in the last lesson and I emailed the dude the set up my next lesson (driver and woods, this Thursday, can’t wait to be a pro). On paper it all seemed like a solid week of recovery and hea...