Road to Right: Justin’s accountability tour

 Ok again here’s the thing, the farther later my posts occur in a week the less and less likely i am to fix it and get back to Mondays. For the love of god, someone remind me next week and hound me until I actually release on time. Anyway here’s what happened last week: I’m starting to fall off the exercise wagon for one reason or another. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still super active in BJJ it’s just the gym kinda comes and goes. Normally I’d say “eh it happens” but two to three weeks of that response and I’m right back into a sedentary lifestyle. Can’t afford that, can’t allow that, gotta bring it back. Flying solo with the dogs while the wife is out of the country which is quiet yet empty, last week was more so just get the house clean for dad and an appt with Eric. So i haven’t been on the strictest of straight and narrows. That’s ok and also bad at the same time. Proper response: acknowledge it and while not being overly critical of myself, just not let the behavior continue. Eas...

 Here’s the problem with doing weekly accountability recaps: some weeks are so routine and bland that in retrospect you can’t even begin to think about what to discuss. I mean the gym, fighting, diet, cooking, cleaning, just the normal shit. And then like clockwork, in the days where you are tardy with your post…EVERYTHING IS FUCKING HAPPENING. So now the only thing on my mind is this week and in no way, shape, or form can I fathom expanding on week 33. But fuck it, why not just riff. Something im starting to recognize is that in the past I’ve been very selfish without actually being aware of the fact. Like i do stuff for other people and subconsciously i do that to have it reciprocated. When it’s not returned i get upset, with no real reason as to why? Expectations open the door for resentments and it used to be incredibly prevalent in my life. These days, I try to just do the right thing: both in life in general and right by people. At first it kinda felt like i was forsaking my ...

 That’s the real mental health hurdle that anxious and depressed individuals have to contend with, it’s also the reason there is such a large overlap between mental health concerns and alcoholism. See facing shitty feelings is required in order to adequately grieve them, process them, and move on from them. That is something i didn’t start putting into practice until this year and naturally…it’s something that I’m not a trained professional at. I’m a lot better at it than i used to be though (quite a bit better actually). Life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, it can’t be. You need a shitty weather day to appreciate clear skies and only siths deal in absolutes. As you can probably guess, yeah last week wasn’t the most tip top of times. I’ve had some suboptimal training days and even missed the gym twice due to some ankle biting injuries. On top of that I’m fucking slammed with appointments and by the time i get home the only thing i want to do is sit on the couch watching shitty ree...

There comes a time in every conflict or struggle where you’ve got to take a step back and assess the situation. One requisite question that needs answering is value, is the juice worth the squeeze? Is the return on investment there? How bad do you want it? Most times these are easy to answer, especially if you have a clear head and working knowledge of your drive and desires as a human being. I’ve done that analysis a lot this year and every time I come back with yes, it’s worth it. Now grip that rope and give it hell until the ride closes out on a high. But what happens when it doesn’t? There’s another question that often gets overlooked because it opens the door for disappointment and heartbreak. It’s no longer an assessment of what you want and how bad you want it, it has become a question of feasibility and in some cases possibility. It’s the door opening that can lead to an unfortunate truth, and that’s no. No matter how hard you try and what angles you apply, sometimes the square...