Road to Right: Justin’s accountability tour

A go-to phrase from dad to indicate that everything was just alright. Not amazing, not shitty, just fairly partly cloudy. Little bit of both. That’s basically how last week went. Every day was basically just work, working out, job hunting, and eating meal prep burritos before popping off to bed to start anew the next morning. I do have an update: i once again failed to get my ass back into BJJ training but I’m going tomorrow god damnit. We are gonna wake up, shower, then go fucking train. They have three morning classes a week and considering I’m about to be making my own schedule i think I’ll put those morning classes in my daily rotation. I’m gonna fucking do it, i need to fucking do it, i need the cardio and the release, need the lessons in humility and perseverance, everything was going better when i was actively training. Alex was in Denver last week and i took Friday off to go up and play some golf with him. Parlayed golf into a nice steak dinner before bringing it back home late...

Or turning the corner, really i was torn between the two but something about “the bend” just stuck with me. Nah it doesn’t matter, what matters is I’m coming out the other side of this angry/scared/shit tunnel I’ve felt trapped in for the last few weeks and things are starting to look up. Not that I’ve won the lottery or nailed my perfect dream job, almost got hit by a Department of Public Works truck today though and that’s the closest I’ve come to winning the lottery. Point is my heads getting locked back in the right place. Less and less energy is being spent on wallowing in self pity or needlessly freaking about the yet-to-comes. Truly it will all work out at one point or another, the faith in that alone is becoming sufficient enough to keep doing the right thing and keep marching on. Isn’t it weird how the connotations in walking synonyms can paint out how one approaches life? Marching forward, trudging along, shuffling through life, we get it dog your bipedal, move on. Sorry, got...

Another week down, another relatively uneventful week pondering the meaning of existence outside of the written plot of my universe. Still have the impending transition around the corner without a lead on employment in sight, still managing the burden of loneliness and stress without getting lost in it. It seems like the only real significant change from week to week is the weather my patience with Loki and Lola. Speaking of, ole boy spent the vast majority of last week sick which really put a damper on the back and forth from my house to post never really knowing what i was coming back to in the house. Luckily a few days of sensitive tummy later and he’s right as rain, fit as a fiddle, another weird cross between simile and metaphor ( its simile because it follows the blank is like/as a blank but it’s personifying inanimate objects). One thing I’ve really fallen off from regularly attending is BJJ. Between tattoos, illness, and competing time requirements for work it’s been forever an...

If you’ve never been lucky enough to be graced with a panic attack allow me to describe it to you. It’s like if you woke up in the morning and your body is reacting in a similar fashion to if everything around you is on fire. You know there is no fire, you know it’s a basic ass Tuesday and you’ve got shit to do, but it takes every last ounce of your energy to push through the fight or flight response to just get downstairs to start your day. Your chest feels like you are in the middle of a half marathon but you haven’t ran in months, for me my internal temperature control goes out the window and also i get the alcohol withdrawal cold sweats…which are just gross. Yeah panic attacks fucking suck and brother, I’m living it. Life has been rather lifey in the recent weeks. I miss my wife, i miss my family, finances are getting a bit tight and i feel as if Ive been prosecuted having not done anything at all. When you add all that to the ever present anxiety and depression, subtract a good ni...

Alright I’m coming over the top with this, making a weekly blog post isn’t the hardest thing in the world. The problem is that life has been rather lifey the last couple of weeks and inevitably it gets that way at the beginning of the week. It may even be a better idea to shift up a day to Sunday before i can get gobsmacked by life in the early bits of the week like I often do. So yeah, not an excuse just an explanation, I’ll get there. You may notice that the pattern for naming entries would have this one titled repeat…but it can’t be because it’s not every day you take your first ever trip to the big apple. We started the week on a travel day which ended with dinner and the hugs and catching ups that you’d expect from not seeing my family for a significant amount of time. It was mom, Jennica, nick, Jessica, and I hanging out around Manhattan for three days. I watched a taping for the Kelly Clarkson Show, self toured around 30 Rock, went to Wicked on Broadway and walked around Time Sq...